Thursday, January 29, 2004
She smiles. But only her body does so. She laughs, even louder than before, trying to prove that she ain't sad. Yet a part, if not the whole, of her heart speaks the truth to her, relentlessly, -- she ain't the old her anymore.
Yet.
Yet someday her prince will come running to free her, to release her from all her miseries. At least that's the only hope she can embrace.
She simles. But she realises that she can't, not anymore.
He smiles. He tries hard not to cry. Afterall, he's a guy and a guy's supposed to be strong. But he ain't so. Try as he might he can't bluff himself. He's been hurt too deep too many he don't feel the pain. He simply breathes. Just another life walking this earth. Just to get it over and done with.
Yet.
Yet someday he'll meet a friend. Someone who'd love and care for him. Someone who'd accept him for who he is. Someone who'd not despise him. For this hope he continues breathing.
He smiles. He has to contiune with this life.
sprayy`
+ 11:55 PM
Thursday, January 22, 2004
Homework
Is sickening
I don't hate school
Neither
Do i hate teachers
I don't hate learning
Neither
Do i hate scoring
But homework
Is juz sickening
In it's very nature
of it being a routine
And a norm
Yet
I sit quietly
obediently
submitting myself
to this norm
It's a pressure
It's the stare
That hardly anyone
can get by
and feel right
No one questions
the validity and essentiality
of homework
We simply abide.
sprayy`
+ 7:19 PM
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
A note of clarification..
The stuff here are mostly "at-that-moment-feeling" kinda thing. And i do admit (duh) i got horrible phrasing, and vocab. so. yeah. mostly prolly you can't understand wad i'm trying to bring across. so quit trying to understand me thru reading these sickly poems. understand me thru relating wif me. That's ultimately the most important thing in a relationship.
sprayy`
+ 6:16 PM
Life is beautiful
I've always thought that my life is simple. Do the things i like, worship the God i love. Whatever should complicate it? Am i even starting to grasp this concept of complicity? I fear deeply how my life would proceed.
Life's a bitch. That's fallacious. Life's not a bitch, it's the people in your life and what they do to you and what happens that make life such a bitch. Life should be beautiful. The fact that we can live and breathe and dance makes life a precious gift that God bestowed us with.
I try to nuff out all noise and try to escape from reality. But it's not helping. It doesn't, in any way, make life simple. It only, in essence, prove that life's complicated and that we have to live it up no matter how bitchy it may become.
No point running away. Juz don't compromise to other's expectations simply because they ask you to. There's a reason behind every obedience and another behind every rebellion.
sprayy`
+ 1:06 PM
Stuck
Here i lie
Quiescent
in regard to everything
Images flood
As if of another person's
They seemed so faraway
So distant
So surreal
How i used to like you
enjoy you
and laugh with you
How i used to look forward
to each day's birth
to each gathering together
How i used to take pride
in having you
in loving you
all these were no more
was it me who've changed
or was it us?
Does it matter anyway
cuz nothing really does right now
The sinking in of reality
The pulling apart of friends
The sadness of rest
The reluctance to go on
Can i juz run away
Can i juz flee
For i was never meant to stay
And i had never belonged
Sucha long poem
For sucha mix of feelings
Now they're all sorted out
Or at least that's wat i think
How i wish i could turn back time
So i could make another choice
Never to connect
Never to depart
Free myself
And who i wanna be
Here i lie
Still in captivity of the past
Sigh.
sprayy`
+ 12:52 PM
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
Life
Is a chewy caramel sweet
the best is at the end
You gotta stick in till the end
To get the chocolate flowin
Love
Is a piece of homework
The tough parts
are always at the end
A crucible for all who love
Hate
Is a super lemon candy
Disgust and resent initially
Embraced with absolute no reluctance finally
Dilemma indeed
Death
Is a gate
Either to freedom or to captivity
Choose your destiny
Tough luck
sprayy`
+ 11:23 PM
Monday, January 19, 2004
Lostmystuff
Anxiety
Remorse
Helpless
In face as such
nothing matters
but you.
Where are you?
a necessity only today do i cherish
Such a bitch i am
Will you come back to me?
i only have one prayer
Come back
Paralysed waist down
I know not what to do
But to pray and hope
That you'll not be lost
Breathlessness seizes me
I try hard not to think
But all the more i try
All the more i fail
Argh.
Where's my handphone?
sprayy`
+ 9:51 PM
Friday, January 16, 2004
Guessin' guessin' guessin'
Life's full of the unexpected,
Fraught with doubt,
Wonder and fear.
It's a guessing game
Where there's no answer at all...
Listen to the wind,
They'll tell you the secrets
That'll cripple us,
Leaving us hopeless
And swooned...
Take me away,
Let me fly in the clouds,
Let me learn to love,
Reject and adore
Let me leave the land
Of uncertainty
The ingrained inferiority
A heart left of admiring
No one knows how i feel
No one cares to think
Let my life live
i cry
Fear not the city's streets
Fear not the emotions of mankind
Let them reign in me
Let my life live...
sprayy`
+ 7:52 PM
Diggin' in deep
Thick untamed hooks
of the lesh flogging
the innermost parts of my body
leaving my heart torn
and tattered
isn't it enough?
wad was already done
do you want me to be left
hopeless and shattered
shine in my lamp
i find my oil running
low as though there isn't
any to supply me anymore
den i look up
to the One
den i realise
He's all i need
sprayy`
+ 7:48 PM
Sin
I'd
Turn back time
And
Try to change
But i know
That no matter
How many times
I try
I'd fail.
Until
my heart fail
to pump
And i get sick of
all my desires
And what have i
Then
finally
i'd
change.
sprayy`
+ 7:44 PM