Wednesday, March 30, 2005
wants.
far-fetched dreams fantasies
try to touch the clouds, in vain.
still i feel the fluffiness of clouds
dream of wandering into the skies, superman
i feel the warmth, the comfort, the peace
hug the cotten i fall asleep
lost between dreams and reality.
yet a dream is but a dream
one day i'll fall flat and hard
ground soild
my body a splatter all over
vultures devour,
peck their nasty beaks
my rotten body.
sprayy`
+ 12:17 AM
Sunday, March 27, 2005
kiss me and smile for me
tell me that you'll wait for me
hold me like you'll never let me go
cuz i'm leaving on a jetplane
dun know when i'll be back again
hold me like you'll never let me go.
tired of guessing.
take me away; i'll follow like a pet pup
if only you bother to
if only you care
i'm so tired.
sprayy`
+ 12:44 AM
Sunday, March 20, 2005
stupid me
so long a time i need to take
to realise that i'm not God
so many things out of my control
that not even one heart i can change
may You show Yourself real
take control
sprayy`
+ 3:31 AM
dun let me go.
please.
this insecurities i thought was gone
come gushing flooding me.
drowning.
pray.
should it have been God
in all His glorious plans
may God be the One sustaining us.
may i cast aside my anxieties.
Easier said than done.
this life.
i am a loser.
play my life. have fun.
sprayy`
+ 1:44 AM
Saturday, March 19, 2005
Prose somewhat part 1
Her feet ached after a torturous long day on a pair of 3 1/2 inch heels. He said she looked sexy in them. Guess he changed his mind. The world is spinning, her vision blurring, she's stuffing vodka up her nose mistaking it for her mouth. She can't stand it anymore. She took off her vexatious heels, threw them high and far, and let out a holler. Men are pigs.
It's been a hapless day. The proposal he worked on for a full week was rejected within 3 minutes of presentation. His girlfriend dumped him because he forgot to lift up the toilet bowl cover when he peed that morning. She's not all that unreasonable. She's a neat freak yet he was given 3 chances. Now he's eating mashed potato, something that might cheer him up a little, when they hit his hands, flopping the cup of mashed potato over dirtying his shirt that cost 239 bucks. He stared at them. A pair of 3 1/2 inch heels tied up together at the laces. Women are morons.
He kicked the heels aside, took out his napkin and started cleaning up. He stared at the heels again, gave out a sigh, and picked the heels up.
"Are these yours?" She gave a blank look, and puked on him before dozing off falling into his arms. Comfortable.
He cursed himself for his stupidity. She stinks. Reeks of a blend of vodka and cheap beer. He laid her down beside the road and slapped her face lightly. Darn. He hailed a cab, and off they went. Their first night.
____________________________________
Ouch. She was awakened by a sudden stimulation of a nerve in her head. She can feel her heart beat in her head. Pressing her palms tightly against her temples, she opened her heavy eyes, only to be greeted by him. Ruffled hair and puke all over his branded shirt. It still stinks. She gently lifted up his face which laid beside her arms, and before anyone could react, her right palm left her temple and went straight for his left cheek. It was a hard one.
Ouch. He shot up straight and caressed his cheek, oblivious to the reason of this sudden infliction. Blood started rushing to his cheek, he could feel it warm. Pain resides under the skin. Bewilderment turned confusion, he stared blankly at her, speechless.
"Who the hell are you?" She raised her voice a little, massaging her temples. She's never been so drunk before. Stupid men. She'd never want to date them again.
"Erm, you were dead drunk yesterday. You threw a pair of heels at me and then fell asleep in my arms. Figured I should at least give you a bed to sleep on, so..."
"Thanks," she cut in, "can I sleep a while more?" Pulling the blanket over herself she flopped down unto the pillow. Instant sleep.
"I... guess so,"
He's always been taken advantage of, but this is one of a kind. Staring at her, trying to figure her out, he felt a strange sense of attachment. He couldn't bear to scold her, or to vent all his frustrations on her. He just sat there and looked at her sleep like a baby.
________________________
sprayy`
+ 5:57 AM
Friday, March 18, 2005
this friendship
this friendship. implausible as it is,
its origin; its birth
be it fate or whatever divine
has it's hands on us somewhat manipulative
for it's been barely 3 months,
bedazzling seemingly fleeting
everything's moving so fast
reality questioned.
perhaps due to this haphazardness
insecurity arises, what ifs
if one day we lose contact
if someone else should come along
as coincidental an ocassion as we've met
what can we do but to succumb
manipulative divinity
perhaps also due to this haphazardness
that i delay hasitate
my heart somehow fearful closed-up
should we one day part
how should we begin to mend
our broken hearts
this friendship. fragile; still establishing
requires tender loving care
don't let me go
sprayy`
+ 1:08 PM
Saturday, March 05, 2005
feel like crying. i'm torn. my soul, this wretched being struggling within me, i can't seems to figure my way, i'm lost. like floating alone on ocean pacific, like riding a directionless bus on highway California, like figuring the position of a particular cactus on a map of desert sahara, i'm lost. i struggle barely breathing. it's my fault. it's a hole i allowed to enlarge. it's a sin i allowed to take root. it's me.
but yet what i know i fail to practise, what i preach i fail to lead. i'm torn. can anyone make me whole again? i cry the tears back deep into my heart. this secret i hide in the pits of my being. what you see, the same me, living laughing playing. but i'm torn inside. of the life i should live, and the life i wanna live.
ignorance is bliss.
sprayy`
+ 12:58 AM
Friday, March 04, 2005
stop reading lah you idiot
sprayy`
+ 10:20 AM