Saturday, January 29, 2005
Self rejection
Heart bleeds
tears oozing outta it
numbness throughout
she's hurting so bad
she's losing it all
A lil cut
transfers pain
heart to skin
relieves the heart
deceives the mind
Addictive lil cut
done over again and again
hiding in vain her
sorrow and pain
now tears well up
oozes outta her skin
Reaching again and again
for the blade
she seeks refuge
but nothing's changed
he's still the same
rotten, cruel, insane
Her soul rejects her body
She hates this life
Why did you choose to work at night?
Cuz i can't sleep at night...
sprayy`
+ 11:45 PM
Jealousy
The sight of it
is like pouring acid
on my heart slowly
circulating around my body
feel numb in my hands
i lose grip
Sick in my stomach
feel like fainting
lose coordination
of my breathing suffocate
i feel sick
Makes effort to breathe
it's not worth dying for
my heart corrodes of
the acid i feel myself quelching
hate myself
a loser falling failing
to control
i'm sucha possessive freak
sprayy`
+ 11:24 PM
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
can't stop thinking
of you
what you'd say
how you'd respond
would you laugh
tired of having
to please you
tired of this guessing thing
wondering if you're ignoring me
yoou hate me
start to find me a bother
just say it
dun leave me
guessing.
figuring out my emotions
i fear the truth
i've fallen into it
yet i allowed myself to fall
guess it's all my fault
on my part
that i should just
stay away
can i not always be the one initiating?
sprayy`
+ 12:29 PM
Sunday, January 23, 2005
know there's no point
in worrying but my heart
is just so heavy i feel
so scared i hate this feeling
i screwed up. badly
keep screwing things up
but i really dun mean it
life's sucha disaster
wish i could
be a baby once more
cry all my worries away
and momma will clear up my mess.
I am so done for.
sprayy`
+ 12:57 AM
Saturday, January 22, 2005
dearest.
burdened my soul so heavy
i can't breathe
properly i keep on praying
praying for you
I've been there before
And i know how it feels
I'm not that different
That's why i can see you thru
All the more because of this
i hate to see you rot
wasted away
your soul cries out
to love and be loved
I'm not always like that
I dun like to nag
I fear rejections as well
it's a long road of searching
finding realising
i pray you'll find your way
sprayy`
+ 2:26 AM
dilenma i
don't know wad to do.
The heart's deceitful above all
else even i don't have
a clue what i want.
why do i feel as tho
you don't understand
why do i have to think so hard
on making this decision
wretched spirit i have
in me a battle wages
i really don't know wad to do.
My heart a wretched being i am
so sick tired drained
G o d . y o u . t h e r e ?
sprayy`
+ 1:32 AM
Monday, January 17, 2005
Argh.
Tear
my heart up
i wanna
cry
and pray it'll
all vanish.
Is it somthing i've done
Or are you against me
What can i do
I lay at your disposal
I hate
my life and all
that goes on
As if it's not enough
Why
do you have to do this
i pull off
all my hair in vain
thinking
my mind a
mess a tattered barbie
i lose control
Why
do you seems to expect so much
of me
i cry my spirit to sleep in vain
figuring why
my heart a
battered up minced meat
ready to be
cooked served enjoyed by you
Why
i refuse to think
my brain a shutdown computer
i force
myself to rest and sleep away
all my troubles
and
all i can
do is to . p r a y
reach to my
heart
squeeze it
release its pain
supress it
p r a y . that i'll
hold on not die
i'm.all.stringed.up.wad.you.wanna.do.you.happy.now..?
sprayy`
+ 10:31 PM
Beautiful;
Pink flowers
for a girl;
Motor car
for a boy;
A rainbow
for the clouds;
Numerous stars
for the moon;
Numbers
for the mathematical;
Words
for the poetic;
Black and white
for the nostalgic;
Colours
for the artistic;
Plain rice
for the poor;
Steak
for those better off;
Cavier
for the extravagant;
Black
for the Gothic;
White
for the innocent;
Young blond
for an all-american;
Old fat wrinkly women
for an old skinny wrinkly man;
Beauty
is subjective
Perdone
if i don't find
it in you
Pivotal is
foremost
that you find it
in yourself.
sprayy`
+ 1:08 AM
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
Desperado
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
You been out ridin' fences for so long now
Oh, you're a hard one
I know that you got your reasons
These things that are pleasin' you
Can hurt you somehow
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences, open the gate
It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you, before it's too late
sprayy`
+ 10:59 PM
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
a . b o r e d . b r a i n
y o u . w o n d e r
why are all the guys
flocking to you..?
And you took
a . l o n g g . time.
y o u . w o n d e r
why they
c l i c k e d
so well with
y o u..?
And you took
a . l o n g g . time.
y o u . w o n d e r
why can't you
u n d e r s t a n d
political discussions.. ?
And you took
a . l o n g g . time.
y o u . w o n d e r
why does your
b l o n d e . h a i r
curl a 23 degrees
every monday.. ?
And you took a
p r e t t y . l o n g g
time..
..measuring the
a n g l e..
sprayy`
+ 11:34 PM
Sunday, January 09, 2005
Pornography
for those ashamed
at their
Lustful acts
for those who
can't afford
Prostitution
for those wouldn't
commit or
simply
Can't make it
sprayy`
+ 12:11 AM
Saturday, January 08, 2005
Sittin' here
staring
blankly at myself
amazed, agape, amused
The savor of rain
overwhelms as coldness
seeps deeper through
the skin
freezes the heart
Takes more than
courage to live
Needs more than love
to breathe
Freedom, life,
love doesn't
seem that enticing
after all for
what tags along
may prove more
than one can take
The long and winding road
promises nothing ahead
Takes more than luck to see us thru'
more than faith
more than righteousness
takes a God.
sprayy`
+ 1:18 AM
Friday, January 07, 2005
Confused.
Is it all a lie?
When you realise that wad you count on can't be counted on.
What do you do?
Faith.
Is it all?
Can it last?
I pray. I hope, I wish.
Life.
Is a cunt.
sprayy`
+ 1:55 AM