Monday, February 28, 2005
i'm sorry
i've always thought that all people, no matter wad background they come from, face worries and troubles in their lives all the same. The key is in how they choose to respond to them. Today, i realised i thought wrong. i'm sorry. should have listened more closely to wad you say to me. i can't say for sure if i'll be a victor given your circumstances. But i can say you're really strong. And i truly admire you for that. Guess my perspective of you changed today. Haha. You happy? Wonder how you're doing now. i really pray that the peace of God will be with you, guiding you through gently.
Know today that our friendship has gone up to another level. It's living lives together, bearing each other's burdens. i'll be there for you. And i know you'll be there for me. :)
sprayy`
+ 10:10 PM
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Tedious being me
tedious it is
to live a life not knowing
the greater purpose it was set for
tedious it is
to love so timidly
fear rejection fear unacceptance
tedious it is
to pretend what is not
double standards heart and mind
tedious it is
to not dare try mind boggling
always avoiding running away
tedious it is as well
to hide away the truth
mere existance of poetry secrets
sprayy`
+ 2:48 PM
Saturday, February 19, 2005
Written when i had pms
Darn.
Forgot what to write
These emotions outta control
Like menses overflow
I wrap them up throw away
They keep coming back
Saw a drunk dancing in the middle of AMK
In bright chirpy morning I shake my head
Idiotic migraine rocked my head
I wanna kill myself die along the streets
Why do I haf to live unlike myself
To speak and act against my heart
But talk is cheap actions are deep
What am I both cheap yet deep
Finding a well i fall flat down
Face against dirt it irks my mind
Yet my heart yearns to rub roll
And play with the clay
Lost.
Like an ant in a rain
Tossed beaten left astray
Like lil girl in Hollywood
Tempted deceived stripped bare
Sitting under faint orange light
Shadows in many directions cast on
my book I seek to think feel be myself
How relaxing the light feels on my skin
Warming in this cold chilling night
I reach out to the sky no stars in sight
I'm known to be opiniated
But today I'm lost, confused and insane
sprayy`
+ 1:25 AM
Falling hard
Bang!
I hit ground solid
Hate myself for being a loser
Why are you always ignoring me
Splatter all over
Plat!
I'm like mud balls in kid's play
Thrown all over stepped squashed
Why is it always me?
Do you know how worried i am
No you don't
I'm irritating naggy bossy
I care so much each time i think
of you my heart freezes
adrenaline rush
But no
You don't know
You don't seems to care
seems to bother
seems to listen
to what i say
what i think
I'm childish retarded protected
It's time that i let go.
Let God.
sprayy`
+ 1:14 AM
Thursday, February 10, 2005
Am i not pretty enough
Do i laugh too loud
Is my heart too unbroken
Am i really too young
But i've seen quite a lot
Or so i think
Am i too calm
Should i be more flabbergasted
Do i pout too much
Is my life too smooth-sailing
But it isn't
Or so i think
Do i think too much
Should it all proceed naturally
Am i a bitch
Of how you're always stuck in my head
Do i worry too much
Should i laugh and play pretend
But i lose control
Or so i think
Fact remains
i suck at relationships.
sprayy`
+ 7:23 AM
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
Ways to die
hunger thirst
drink poison
cut my wrist
forget to breathe
be despised
backstabbed
burn myself
drink lotsa rum
radiation
too much heat
or the absence of it
suffocate
hang myself
faint and ignored
shoot myself
jump off the block
loving you
sprayy`
+ 5:02 AM
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
i
feel
like
hugging
you
assuring
you
that
everything's
gonna
be
alright.
it's a long way for searching
hope you'll find your way
sprayy`
+ 9:57 PM
Friday, February 04, 2005
Sometimes
Curled up i shrivel up
foetal position
i hide the thoughts i have inside
cold and lonely
sometimes i need
yearn want cream for
eyes to cry with
torso to snuggle up
hand to hold
shoulder to lean on
head to pat
arms around my shoulders
face to gaze at
ears to speak to
someone to hug and be hugged
someone who cares.
sprayy`
+ 10:15 PM
torn
i'm sorry i can't be perfect
i tried so hard
it's been a great feat
still i failed
I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake
And I can see
The perfect sky is torn
You're a little late
I'm already torn
you don't know me
no one really do
this protective shield i have
a mask i put to conceal
it takes time
takes lots of effort
hope you'll bear with me
while i struggle hard to be
sprayy`
+ 9:54 PM